I'm feeling tired tonight, I think in large part due to a week spent doing things outside my comfort zone. The traveling is easy enough (especially living out of a hostel and living in the little bubble of WorldTeach training); it's the constant people time that's rough. And it's not like I have a ton of energy for meeting and hanging out with Chileans, since I'm spending every waking minute with my fellow volunteers. (Who I love. I really do. But jesus, isn't there a dark underground cave I can spend some time in? No, there is not.)
Of course, the goal for me with this whole project is to be uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable spending lots of time with people, bonding with groups, managing groups of kids. So I figure the way to fix that is to just jump in and do those things, and trust that I can find a way to be with those things that leads me away from my shutting-down response; a way to stay engaged in the face of the things that are most difficult for me.
In the meantime, though, I take care of myself balanced with what I actually need to do. Once the crowd going to sushi became 10 instead of 5, I bailed and had a bad local hamburger. This was only arguably an improvement, but at least I had a nice walk.
I think it's dead, Jim.
5 years ago
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