mid-week check-in

This morning was supposed to be mellow, with C taking a test, and while they did that, I thought I would finesse the plans for G, H, and the English Club. Except, surprise! Some of the class needed to stay in their classroom to finish the prep for their acto, and did I have stuff I could do with the remainder? Who were, of course, not quite the usual Wednesday group, so they're not all at the same place, and the chemistry was different.

Daily life here resists finding a routine.

It's not been one of those enjoying-teaching weeks, which is okay. Anna's visit made me more conscious of how much energy I'm putting into making things work as it is; which is to say, all of it. The reason I watch TV and eat cookies when I get home is because that's what I have space for. I could stand to socialize a bit more, especially with Chileans, and I need to direct some more effort toward lesson materials prep. It's especially hard to find energy for socializing, because I spend my entire day dealing with people, often in challenging Spanish, and after that I mostly want to wander off into some cool, shaded little hole and not talk to anyone.

Some things about me are changing, and others aren't. But what do I know? Someone once asked a teacher at Zen Center what happens when we sit zazen, and the teacher said, "You can't possibly know."

I'm not really happy with the lesson I'm teaching this week, but I'm still dealing with the tail end of my cold, my girlfriend just left the continent, bitch and moan, bitch and moan, I haven't taken the hours to fix the lesson even though it's entirely in my power to do so. I'm short-changing both me and my students, in a way. Then again, I'm not pushing myself beyond my ability to manage my mood, and that's good for everyone, too. Is that, in fact, more important?

Ain't nothing simple, eh?

I miss aikido. I may take a bus in to Santiago on Friday afternoon, train at Aikido Hakusan, train again midday Saturday, and then come home. That somewhat optimistically assumes that after a couple months of sporadic exercise and a week of being sick, I'm in good enough shape to do consecutive two-hour classes. Aim high!