Monday, August 22, 2011

every which way at once

I'm occasionally not sleeping so much, either waking up at 2 AM, or, like now, taking some hours to fall asleep.

Like Anna, I've been feeling a bit adrift these past few months. I have a challenging job with very few reference points or feedback for gauging my effectiveness. I live with a woman and child, which is, to put it mildly, new. In theory I'm sewing for monk ordination and studying for the GREs, though mostly I do neither. I'm running regularly again (my resting heart rate appears to be about 50), but I'm struggling to participate in my aikido dojo and my Zen sangha. We had dinner with another couple last night, and I realized that it's been a long time since I've made new friends; Anna correctly points out that it's a challenge to maintain the relationships I already have. She also points out that before she and J moved in, I had a much easier job, and even then I dedicated the majority of my free time to aikido and Zen practice.

Running again has been great, and pretty easy because I can do it whenever I have time. Aikido is more problematic, but there are two dojos in Mountain View, and when I'm pressed for time, I can go to the one that doesn't suck. We'll see how that goes, but it's better than not training.

I need to find a way to spend time with J, as well: we had a couple of unfortunate incidents last week that Anna thinks may be his way of signaling a need to connect. My poor underused motorcycle needs an oil change, and he was over the moon just about helping me put the license plate on, so I'll get the stuff ready to do that this weekend and I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

Also, apparently I'm getting married. At least we've moved. We have a bedroom! And an enormous couch. It is glorious.

I don't think I've ever had this much stuff going on, pulled in so many different directions, and feeling like I don't have time to do anything well. I am not a fan.

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