only keep going.

This was the second Christmas without Tim, coming up fast on two years since he departed. When he died, I hadn't seen him in several years, though we'd talked to catch up a bit right after Christmas, and it's both irrational and undeniably real to be so affected by the calendar. It's annoying, is what it is. I think about Tim all the time, in all kinds of contexts, and not for a moment does his suicide leave my awareness. Why should I feel the pressure building in my thoughts as December counts away? (My therapist has a technical term for a conditioned response to a single event, but I didn't take notes.)

It builds, then Christmas releases some of it, then some more building, and finally the first week of the New Year has passed, and it's back to the regular slog. I'll need a job at some point, I guess.

The Hapless Stock Guys, who flubbed everything by overpricing my shares, are now threatening to sue me because I knew about a pre-IPO stock split and didn't tell them. I didn't know, as it happens, and there are emails to that effect at the time, and if I'd known, it's likely that telling them would have violated my NDA. Plus, I am the descendant of many lawyers, and so I knew the contract has many gems like this one:

5.3. Purchaser and Seller represent to each other that on the date hereof and as of the Transfer Date:

(i) they are entering into this Agreement voluntarily and they are not under any form of duress; 

(ii) they have had the opportunity to review the form of this Agreement with their legal and tax counsel and/or other advisors prior to executing it and are fully satisfied that its terms are fair and that it effects, and at all times hereunder will effect, a fair exchange of value; 

(iii) they are familiar with, or have been advised by their respective counsel of, applicable securities laws regarding the Forward Transaction, and are responsible for ensuring that their entry into the Forward Transaction is in compliance with such laws; 

(iv) they are not relying on any express or implied legal or investment advice or information from the other with respect to the prospects or value of the Company or the Shares or any other aspect of the Forward Transaction; 

(v) they acknowledge and accept that the other party to the Forward Transaction may have material, non-public information about the Company that they do not have and which has not been disclosed; 

(vi) they hereby irrevocably waive any right to, and agree to refrain from pursuing against the other party to the Forward Transaction or against any other party, any and all actions, suits, litigations, arbitrations, proceedings, investigations, claims or liabilities of whatever nature (including but not limited to under SEC Rule 10b-5 or similar laws) that relate to the other party’s potential possession of material, non-public information about the Company; and 

(vii) other than as explicitly stated herein, they have not relied upon any other representation or warranty of the other, or any third party.

So they would first have to convince a judge that something merits nullifying extraordinarily explicit and broad clauses like these, just to get a hearing, then convince a judge or jury that I knew a variety of insider things that I didn't (like the stock split), or that I'd sold some stock earlier at N/2 the price they paid me, and thus I knew it was only worth N/2. (The stock I'd sold earlier was waaaay below N/2.) At the end, if somehow they get to a trial (they won't), they'll end up arguing that a techie middle manager, with indifferent financial skills, somehow conned two guys who make some phone calls and activate investment groups with millions of dollars, and who signed the contract that they themselves provided, which makes all of it ridiculous, and then they'll have to pay my legal fees and expenses.

That sort of interrupted my week of moping about or being reflective. I've never gotten a legal nastygram before! It's really unpleasant.

One more day until Tim's yahrzeit. The new year can start on Monday.