I finally acquired an attorney, from a friend's recommendation, and who is delightful. They opened the conversation with "Okay, so I've read the demand letter, and I've read the contracts...and to be honest, I'm a little confused about the letter in relation to the contracts, so maybe you can give me an overview."
Because, yes, when someone writes a settlement demand letter alleging some sort of contract fraud, but fails to mention a single line of the contract, or any other piece of evidence, that is some Hail-Mary scammy bullshit right there. The response letter is magnificent, with the attorney even finding one or two juicy tidbits I'd forgotten, like the clauses that say "we all agree we have all the information we need, and we don't all have the same information, and that's fine," or "we have our own sources of information independent of Chris, and we're happy with what we know."
Hapless Stock Guys know this, of course, since they provided the contract and drove the whole process, soup to nuts; they screwed up and blew a hole in their balance sheet, and the ROI of having an attorney spend an hour sending me a threatening letter is so huge it doesn't make sense not to try, even knowing I'm the kind of person who quoted the contract back to them from memory, without prep.
It doesn't mean they're not assholes, though.
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