more doctors, small steps

I had a hopeful appointment today with the doctor I originally saw for CBTI (cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia)--hopeful because just the one manipulation of my sleep schedule he suggested in December had such a huge impact. (Not that it's left me terribly functional, but when I sleep in a solid bloc, I'm at least in touch with reality even if I can't focus or concentrate). We set up a plan for the next few weeks, and he thinks that if the other group fixes the quality of my sleep, in 4-8 weeks I could be rested. That's a tempting thing to believe in, as I've had a single functional week in the past 3-4 months. ("Lucky week," as Dr. Insomnia says.)

I got the results of my sleep study from last week. It shows Mild Sleep Apnea, and I'm not sure if that's enough to explain by experience, though Dr. Insomnia thinks so. "Those apnea events are like someone poking you with a sharp stick and waking you up 11 times per hour." I think I may see your problem here, Bob.

I've been warned about the Stanford sleep apnea group, by numerous people, that "their job is to diagnose you with sleep apnea, and that's what they're going to do"--in other words, that they find sleep apnea in everyone. I get the feeling they've tidied up a lot in the past few years, though (they no longer give patients Ambien, for example). Plus, I fit the pattern of pathologically not-restful sleep. Also, I am completely out of other possibilities. Behold, the end of my very long rope.

People at work are starting to realize how limited my role is right now, though I don't think they quite understand it. I am very good at coping, and at not lashing out at people while I'm coping; so, as with my primary care doctor, I often fail to adequately show my level of distress.

I'm looking forward to the days where once again I only visit doctors for broken bones, stitches, infections, and organ removals.