dad stuff

We just got J from his dad, so naturally he was a crabby little thing tonight, getting angry at Anna right before bed because he came out of his room during Reading Time, which is disallowed as part of our rigorous bedtime ritual, to offer her some bullshit deal about how he'd go right to sleep if he could watch Minecraft videos tomorrow. We managed to get him settled, and a little while later he opens his door to come out: also strictly forbidden. I got up and followed him back into his room.

"I'm sorry for leaving, I just thought I was going to have a bad dream, you see I was thinking about death and how everyone dies and then I was realizing that I'm closer to death..."
"It's okay. Would you like some more snuggling?"
"Yes, I would like snuggling." (He actually talks like this.)
"Would you like snuggling from me, or Mama?"
"You, since you're already here."

Proximity is a form of love, I guess. We lay there for a bit. I did my best to hold him still; his automatic stimming helps keep him awake.

"Chris, I'm not thinking about it at all. You did good. Now I promise I won't leave again unless I have to pee."

I stayed for a little while, just to make sure he settled a little--being all wound up, every so often he thinks of some joke in a book or whatever and explodes with sleep-inhibiting laughter.

But, hey! I did good.