not my first choice. or second, or third.

We're in what I really hope is a peak stress period dealing with Angry Biodad (ABD), but at the same time, J is magnificent. Standing up and telling his story to anyone who will listen, plus ABD, who won't. Growing up with courage and kindness, and adorably confused that I should think that was anything admirable or out of the ordinary.

We've tested the legal system a bit now, with both sympathetic and unsympathetic cops, and verified that while a cop might be really mean-spirited about it, he is not going to drag a kid kicking and screaming to go with a parent he doesn't want to go with. Jerkface Cop charged in with his own emotional baggage, and said all he can do is "enforce" the court order...but that turns out to be toothless, and limited to just being a jerk (to me and to the kid). As J talked and talked about these problems going back to when he was little, and all the ways he's tried to have an honest conversation with ABD, Jerkface Cop got quieter and quieter and seemed to understand that this was a very different situation than the one that caused him so much pain. I hope he takes the lesson from it, but who knows.

I myself am a bit of a mess, self-medicating with a combination of cookies and music. I'm still enjoying the fiddle, but it's also demanding, and I enjoy having the mandolins (3) and guitars (2) as easier outlets.

It's been a pretty shitty month, all things considered. But it could be worse.