Friday, January 11, 2013

disjoint bullet points

We have been having a bit of conflict around child custody, and it's quite challenging for everybody, so please offer your thoughts, prayers, bows, or hippie-tastic good energy for J and his three parents.

After some reflection in December, and noticing my own level of energy and engagement with my job, I decided to pass the Technical Lead (TL) baton to Jess. We've been co-leading the team since November or so, which has gone well, but now I find myself unable to hold a lot of complexity in my head at once. Unfortunately, the TL generally has to be able to hold at least a survey of the team's state in their head, and switch focus from one issue to another; right now, I'm lucky if I can focus on one issue at all.

I will move sideways, to what we call a Staff Engineer, and after some months of work to get the new system out the door, I will likely migrate to go cause trouble for some other team. I should be writing software again, and solving engineering problems, and getting lots of other people on board to help.

I finally went to see a regular medical doctor about my energy and fatigue issues; I can always count on Western medicine to say "derp" to this kind of problem, and sure enough, that's what I got. It was worth ruling out things like anemia or diabetes, though.

(Don't get me wrong: Western medicine is fabulous for specific, acute issues. Broken bones, stitches, tumors, organ removal, infections--they have you covered. Things like "I'm tired all the time" or "my nose is runny every morning"? Utterly useless. Don't get me started on the usually-better-than-nothing pseudo-science of psychiatry.)

We'll see how the sleep doctors play out.

J had his 8th birthday, and he's huge, more than twice as big as when I met him, almost 5 years ago. He's developing Pre-Teen Face, where you can see more and more of the physical adult he'll be. I'm fascinated to see the man he becomes, since he has so much work to do and so many choices to make about who he wants to be. I see his path through a certain lens around his autism, but in practice I imagine that's what every parent wonders about every kid. I can only imagine the heartache as your child goes through periods of being a jerk. Not that I was ever a jerk.


Sorry, Mom.

Bedtime, one night:
"You know, I always threaten to take away Mama's snuggles when I'm angry. But I never actually do it. I think about it, and then I think about how I would feel and I decide I would wish I didn't, so I always give her snuggles."
"That's because you understand that love and relationships are the most important thing. That may be the best of many wonderful things about you. Just keep loving."
I think he'll be okay.

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