email from a Chilean friend

Too awesome not to translate and share.

Subject: Please, an act of mercy/compassion

Please, invite me to lunch this Friday before I go to the University, for two reasons.

First, I'm bankrupt, broke, and I want to try those incredible empanadas, which according to you are the best in Chile. Second, I like hanging out with you, and if it's with empanadas, even better, ñam , ñam, ñam. [This is Chilean for "NOM NOM NOM".]

If you don't have any money, I recommend you put on a ski mask, get your knife, and go over to Errazuriz Avenue to assault North American tourists who say they have dollars.

I would go assault tourists myself, but first of all, running with high heels, I could fall and break an ankle; and second, I don't know Aikido like you, in case there's a fight.