tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640161672337075402.post5074828068018822823..comments2023-07-11T01:30:07.061-07:00Comments on Traveling in Dusty Lands: resistance and disciplineUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640161672337075402.post-71901567282766560392010-04-23T22:01:57.085-07:002010-04-23T22:01:57.085-07:00I would describe lack of self-discipline as my mos...I would describe lack of self-discipline as my most massive, glaring, disappointing flaw. It's something that made my life as a teenager and young adult really, really shitty, because I refused to do schoolwork under just about any circumstances. No amount of horrible grades, sincere and earnest teachers, or screaming tirades from my parents would turn me around. I just categorically did not give enough of a shit to make the effort.<br /><br />Unfortunately for me, because I spent most of my formative years resisting giving a shit about anything other than computers, I've turned out to be an adult who has an incredibly difficult time motivating to do anything even a little bit difficult. Even things that, on some theoretical level, I really want to be good at, self-starting is a major hurdle. You've watched me try to develop programming skills at a glacial pace. I make a lot of excuses. Learning the guitar has been a similar experience. In my mind, I would love to be able to play the guitar really well, but when it comes time to practice it can be almost comical the lengths I will go to to avoid it.<br /><br />I spent a lot of time between the ages of 17-22 trying to figure out WHY I'm like this. The only thing I came up with was that I think I'm irrationally afraid of failure, so I avoid attempting difficult things. It fits in with the school thing and some bad teachers and bullying I experienced as a kid, but it's funny how even now I have a difficult time getting past it.<br /><br />Setting goals helps, but I have found that I sometimes set impossible ones. I need to work to break the discipline and learning process down into the smallest chunks, then make time for them, and then follow through on it. <br /><br />I really should get back to that Android app I've been wanting to write...Owenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16819224699021290272noreply@blogger.com